It’s a rainy Friday morning. Nathan left for a weekend trip to Johannesburg with his prayer buddies at four this morning. It feels more like a Saturday with the gray and lazy drizzle. As Caleb eats his Cheerios, I feed Adara a mushy bowl of Wheat-Bix and we all watch vibrant vegetables reenact the story of Jonah. The Vegitales Jonah breaks out into his musical number as he retorts that he will not deliver God’s message of mercy to the people of Nineveh.
“No, it cannot be. Your messages are meant for me and my brothers. We are your chosen people. And Nineveh, well, their not!”
He tells the Lord God that He will go anywhere that he is commanded to go…except the one place God has told him to go.
“Nineveh? Oh, Nineveh; NO! Nineveh is where I draw the line!”
Though I have heard this song and this story many times, as I sat on the floor feeding my babies breakfast, I was overwhelmed by Holy Spirit and how this attitude grieves His heart. All too often I find myself, like Jonah, passing judgment rather than dispensing grace. Yet He desires that no one would perish; He longs for lovers who willingly choose to love and serve the One and Only true God. Then why is it, having experienced this overwhelming, undeserved love, that I hesitate when His voice asks me to go…wherever?
“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?” Romans 10:14-15a
How many times have I drawn the line, telling God that I will only go so far for Him? With Him? He went all the way to the cross for me, how can I give him any less than my all? O, that in my weakness You still love me, Yahweh, is still incomprehensible to me!
Jonah’s droll but haunting solo reminded me of when I moved to Lesotho and a team member told me that she believed the Holy Spirit was leading her family to a rural mountain village. I remember telling her how brave she was and how I didn’t think I was called to do what she was praying about. As I left her place Holy Spirit gently spoke to my heart, “Are you not called to the mountains because I have not called you there, or because you are unwilling?” I had drawn the line: I felt so justified in having left my home country to live in Lesotho that I decided in my heart, “I have done my part. This is as far as I need to go. I shouldn’t have to live in a remote village; living in the capitol is challenging enough.” I repented and told the Lord that, whether or not He called me to ministry in a remote location or not, I would be willing to go where He sends me.
Oh how merciful that God has not “drawn the line” with me!
“…He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
He pours into me not just so I can enjoy the inheritance of experiencing His presence in this age and the assurance of the one to come. These are AWESOME realities, and I DO enjoy these! But there is so much more. My experience in Him is so much richer when I live selflessly and pursue the things of His heart, partnering with Him to share this great Love with those who do not know Him. Jesus also has an inheritance in those of us who belong to Him and I can bless Him by pouring myself into adding to the fullness of His inheritance, allowing myself to be a vessel used to “bring many sons to glory.” Not that I am obligated, my relationship with Jesus and my eternal salvation are secure. But it is out of deep love for my Bridegroom King that I desire to go all the way for love.
Oh Lord, I repent of having told You that I will not follow where You lead. Forgive me for my unbelief, and for not trusting Your faithfulness,. Good Shepherd, I choose to follow You wherever You lead. Help me to identify where I have made ultimatums that limit my love for You. I long to give You more of myself. Open my spiritual eyes to know Your heart. Jesus, because of Your great love, you went all the way for me. Beloved, where, and to whom, can I go for you?
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