Getting Ready

Day 8. Day 9. Day 10. Days and nights begin to merge into one another as my husband pursues the purchase of a new vehicle for our family. In another country. What began in our minds as a turn-around trip has now become a longer-than-anticipated adventure.

What is going on Lord, I ask, trying to make sense out of the delay. He is sweetly silent. But it is deeply impressed in my spirit, this notion that He is tenderly teaching me about His sovereignty. So I embrace the wait. And the lessons learned in the waiting.

At first the separation was accepted, even welcomed. Just a few days. And anyway a break does everyone good. Gives fresh perspective. Develops appreciation. Makes the heart grow fonder. However, as our plans overturned and days began to stretch sorely into weeks, something began to happen in the communication between Nathan and myself. Our practical, ho-hum text messages have turned into sappy sentimentals. Our phone calls have become gooshy messes of words of longing and heartfelt yearning to be with one another. One would think as two grown adults who have shared nearly 11 years of marriage that we could handle a little separation with a bit more composure. Instead, this incomprehensible pining has emerged in the two of us, and I find myself beginning to deeply mourn the absence of my husband and dearest friend.

So what do I find myself doing in the meantime? Home-schooling. Rearranging the house. Nurturing children. Going to Bible study. Changing a flat tire. Keeping mice out of the kitchen. Praying with friends. Keeping appointments. Playing secretary. I live out these dual roles of mother and father, husband and wife. Keeping things moving. Because with two small children, life simply does not stop. Some things end up falling away just for the sake of accomplishing the necessary. And let’s face it, who will notice if I don’t shave my legs? I just throw on some jeans and I am on my way.

Now I stand, warm Wednesday afternoon sun streaming through the kitchen window while I wash dishes. The children push the neighbor’s puppies in baby doll strollers around the house. I ponder this waiting, this wearing of so many hats, this separation from the one I love. It is the uncertainty of the timing of his coming, this open-ended return that throws me. If I only I could know when Nathan would be home, I could prepare accordingly. I could set my sights on that date and get everything ready for his arrival in due time. At least, that is what I tell myself. But I don’t know when he will be here. So I wait and do nothing.

Some water splashes on my pajamas and I look down to review the damage. I am stricken by my predicament: It is mid-afternoon and I am still in my PJ’s. Glad Nathan’s not coming home right now, I think. Wouldn’t want him finding me like this!

Of course Nathan’s eyes would be for me alone, despite finding me still in night clothes, straggled hair pulled back, legs unshaved. That is one of the deep joys of love. He would be so glad to be reunited with his wife and children after such a delay that he would just revel in us being together. The rest would not matter.

I realize that I don’t actually want to be found all disheveled and simply “surviving” when my Love returns. I want to look my best, being found beautiful in his eyes, as if I had been preparing and waiting every single day in anticipation of his return.

Because my beloved husband is coming. Soon. He will come on his white steed and sweep me in his arms and I want to be ready; smelling, feeling, looking ready to be embraced by the one my heart has longed for. With a roast in the crock-pot.

I am suddenly struck by the parallel of the coming of Christ. Who knows the day or hour He will return? And rather than making excuses that I can’t prepare well since I don’t know when He is to come and finding myself unprepared, I want to be a make myself ready. I want to love well and obey His commands and make disciples and live fully that today could be the day when my Beloved, Christ Jesus, returns for His bride!

Because the Bridegroom is coming. Soon. He will come on His white steed for a bride He has been simply longing for. And I want to be ready.

My heart is awakened. Oh sweet Jesus, I want to be ready for Your return! Help me, Holy Spirit to make myself a bride prepared for the coming of her radiant Bridegroom. Help me to be vigilant in my wait, to have prepared wisely and well for that hour that is unbeknownst to me. Bring revelation on how to make this practical and real in my life, not just lofty thoughts that amount to nothing. And as I wait for You, Lord Jesus, teach me how to wait well for the husband of my youth, preparing also for his return.